on my mind. again.
i find myself doing more of these posts.
i am exhausted, and so tired, but my mind just won't stop thinking. stupid mind. so hopefully if i write down everything i'm thinking i can go to sleep. because i have to get up at 6:15am tomorrow for cheer. ugh.
speaking of cheer... we had another competition saturday. my girls really did so well! seriously everything in their routine improved, but they dropped the ending stunt- blah. well- they took 3rd last time, so we were hoping for improvement, and well after all was said and done i thought they would take 2nd or 3rd again- but ended up getting fourth. well after going over the scoresheets i saw that we got a difficulty score of 17/20- and last time we had a difficulty score of 19/20--- uhm, how did that change when our routine didn't change? your difficulty score should not change unless you water things down- which we did NOT! i was so confused and it didn't say in which categories we got docked in- ie: stunts, tumbling, pyramids, tosses, or jumps- all out of 4 points, so i went to go ask and the cute girl who was in charge of scoring difficulty accidentally wrote ours out on the wrong paper, so she just told the judges the final difficulty score and got rid of the paper, and now couldn't remember what she gave us in each category and why we got docked... I know this is a novel- but I was so frustrated. I know this girl and she is so cute, but I now have no answers as to why we got docked an additional 2 points per judge- which is A LOT of points, and for sure was the difference between 2nd or 3rd place, and the 4th place we took. and our routine is definitely a 19/20 in difficulty- not a 17!! i did my research and my homework, and they are at the top of their difficulty level in EVERYTHING. I'm so frustrated. And-- my girls are not the type that are motivated by placing badly at one competition then wants to work all hard to do better at the next one- it totally just makes them feel hopeless. i am like at a loss- they are so talented, and they have the routine to do so well locally as well as at nationals in a few months. they do so well at practice, then it's like as soon as we go to perform the routine they get SO nervous and lack confidence. I can't figure it out- probably because when i was their age I was such a show off- well, I still kind of am. But I am just so competitive and wish I could like compete for them. They are so good, and just don't know it.
SO. Here I am, can't stop thinking about cheer and wanting to watch all the other teams we competed against which i recorded and then compare them to us and the Damn video recorder I was using that we got for Christmas freaking only works every other time. Seriously- it finally worked to record my girls as they were competing yesterday and I get home watch it over a few times on our computer, then we went to dinner, and when I got home I went to watch it again and it was GONE. Just gone. No where to be found- so now I have no recording of my girls competing. Awesome.
Not to mention- Tyler was home with Lucy all day, and couldn't understand how I could want to watch cheer videos when I had been gone all day at a cheer competition...
Tyler hates me doing cheer. Like- really hates it. He is 100% counting on me being done after this year, and is counting down the days until this baby comes, so there can be no more cheerleading in my life. That might be a bit harsh- but he is stressed about this new job and school, etc... and doesn't want to have to worry about finding babysitters, etc... I know I should be done, and well, I will be done with coaching at Orem I'm pretty sure- but the thought is so hard to grasp. I just hate leaving the program I have built for the last 3 years to who knows who, and What the heck am I going to do all the time? Apparently spend time with my children.
That sounds awful- I love little Lucy, and this little baby girl, who we are currently calling 'Miss Mae' as she has no first name yet- But I feel like coaching/cheer is the only talent I have- I'm not like those other mom's/wives who like are into photography or sewing, or interior design or scrap booking- cheer is like all I have going for myself- it's the only thing that i'm REALLY good at. So if I'm done- I just feel kind of worthless.
I love love being a mom, but I love having something for myself to do, that I am good at, and that is separate from family time- I feel like I am going to be going crazy once I am done coaching. Mainly because we're down here in Orem, and I feel like I have no one.
I know that seems a bit ridiculous, and all feel sorry for me- I have Cheryl down here, but she works full time, and some cousins and such- but honestly we have no friends who have kids at all. We started going to this family ward hoping we could meet some more young couples with kids, and just as I am starting to get to know some of the girls in relief society we are now in the primary for both hours- which is great, but I feel like I have no way of meeting anyone. This ward like has No activities whatsoever. We have lived in our apartment for 3 1/2 years now and really still have the same group of friends from Kaysville area, or a few couples down here, but none with any kids. I know it's our own fault for like not branching out more- but I have no idea how. All of our close neighbors are newlyweds, and I don't know anyone else. I just feel bad for little Lucy- she is so social and I feel bad she is just stuck at home all day with me. She goes to gymnastics, but thats about the only kid interaction she gets aside from seeing her cousins on the weekends which is like the highlight of her life!
This really is pathetic- we are so blessed and life is wonderful- I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed at what the hell I am going to do all day this summer with 2 kids by myself! Ah! I'm just praying this next little girl will be a good baby.... and that Lucy will transition to a big girl bed okay in the next few weeks, and we can get her off the bottle, and maybe potty trained... and not hate her baby sister for taking all of her attention!
I know I should not be feeling so stressed, but sometimes these pregnancy hormones get the better of me. I think I'll feel better once we can agree on a name. =)
goodnight.
i am exhausted, and so tired, but my mind just won't stop thinking. stupid mind. so hopefully if i write down everything i'm thinking i can go to sleep. because i have to get up at 6:15am tomorrow for cheer. ugh.
speaking of cheer... we had another competition saturday. my girls really did so well! seriously everything in their routine improved, but they dropped the ending stunt- blah. well- they took 3rd last time, so we were hoping for improvement, and well after all was said and done i thought they would take 2nd or 3rd again- but ended up getting fourth. well after going over the scoresheets i saw that we got a difficulty score of 17/20- and last time we had a difficulty score of 19/20--- uhm, how did that change when our routine didn't change? your difficulty score should not change unless you water things down- which we did NOT! i was so confused and it didn't say in which categories we got docked in- ie: stunts, tumbling, pyramids, tosses, or jumps- all out of 4 points, so i went to go ask and the cute girl who was in charge of scoring difficulty accidentally wrote ours out on the wrong paper, so she just told the judges the final difficulty score and got rid of the paper, and now couldn't remember what she gave us in each category and why we got docked... I know this is a novel- but I was so frustrated. I know this girl and she is so cute, but I now have no answers as to why we got docked an additional 2 points per judge- which is A LOT of points, and for sure was the difference between 2nd or 3rd place, and the 4th place we took. and our routine is definitely a 19/20 in difficulty- not a 17!! i did my research and my homework, and they are at the top of their difficulty level in EVERYTHING. I'm so frustrated. And-- my girls are not the type that are motivated by placing badly at one competition then wants to work all hard to do better at the next one- it totally just makes them feel hopeless. i am like at a loss- they are so talented, and they have the routine to do so well locally as well as at nationals in a few months. they do so well at practice, then it's like as soon as we go to perform the routine they get SO nervous and lack confidence. I can't figure it out- probably because when i was their age I was such a show off- well, I still kind of am. But I am just so competitive and wish I could like compete for them. They are so good, and just don't know it.
SO. Here I am, can't stop thinking about cheer and wanting to watch all the other teams we competed against which i recorded and then compare them to us and the Damn video recorder I was using that we got for Christmas freaking only works every other time. Seriously- it finally worked to record my girls as they were competing yesterday and I get home watch it over a few times on our computer, then we went to dinner, and when I got home I went to watch it again and it was GONE. Just gone. No where to be found- so now I have no recording of my girls competing. Awesome.
Not to mention- Tyler was home with Lucy all day, and couldn't understand how I could want to watch cheer videos when I had been gone all day at a cheer competition...
Tyler hates me doing cheer. Like- really hates it. He is 100% counting on me being done after this year, and is counting down the days until this baby comes, so there can be no more cheerleading in my life. That might be a bit harsh- but he is stressed about this new job and school, etc... and doesn't want to have to worry about finding babysitters, etc... I know I should be done, and well, I will be done with coaching at Orem I'm pretty sure- but the thought is so hard to grasp. I just hate leaving the program I have built for the last 3 years to who knows who, and What the heck am I going to do all the time? Apparently spend time with my children.
That sounds awful- I love little Lucy, and this little baby girl, who we are currently calling 'Miss Mae' as she has no first name yet- But I feel like coaching/cheer is the only talent I have- I'm not like those other mom's/wives who like are into photography or sewing, or interior design or scrap booking- cheer is like all I have going for myself- it's the only thing that i'm REALLY good at. So if I'm done- I just feel kind of worthless.
I love love being a mom, but I love having something for myself to do, that I am good at, and that is separate from family time- I feel like I am going to be going crazy once I am done coaching. Mainly because we're down here in Orem, and I feel like I have no one.
I know that seems a bit ridiculous, and all feel sorry for me- I have Cheryl down here, but she works full time, and some cousins and such- but honestly we have no friends who have kids at all. We started going to this family ward hoping we could meet some more young couples with kids, and just as I am starting to get to know some of the girls in relief society we are now in the primary for both hours- which is great, but I feel like I have no way of meeting anyone. This ward like has No activities whatsoever. We have lived in our apartment for 3 1/2 years now and really still have the same group of friends from Kaysville area, or a few couples down here, but none with any kids. I know it's our own fault for like not branching out more- but I have no idea how. All of our close neighbors are newlyweds, and I don't know anyone else. I just feel bad for little Lucy- she is so social and I feel bad she is just stuck at home all day with me. She goes to gymnastics, but thats about the only kid interaction she gets aside from seeing her cousins on the weekends which is like the highlight of her life!
This really is pathetic- we are so blessed and life is wonderful- I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed at what the hell I am going to do all day this summer with 2 kids by myself! Ah! I'm just praying this next little girl will be a good baby.... and that Lucy will transition to a big girl bed okay in the next few weeks, and we can get her off the bottle, and maybe potty trained... and not hate her baby sister for taking all of her attention!
I know I should not be feeling so stressed, but sometimes these pregnancy hormones get the better of me. I think I'll feel better once we can agree on a name. =)
goodnight.
I had to smile when I read this because I felt the same way a lot of the time while I was pregnant, just incessant worrying over everything under the sun. Hope it gets better for you! Congrats on having another girl!
ReplyDeleteI think every stay at home mom feels this way now & then. I don't have a kid, but it's always nice to feel like you have that thing on the side that you love & are good at. Boys don't really get it, they think we are just cool doing nothing while they do it all! You will figure it out, but don't give it up if you really love it!!!
ReplyDeleteOh Carly, don't you think for one second you are alone on this. EVERY one of my friends feels this way. If you are blessed enough to be able to stay at home with your kids, that becomes your full-time job (it's your full-time job even if you have a part-time job). But being at home 24/7 with your kids necessitates that you have something that is all your own. Otherwise you will go bonkers. I have to have like 4 things that are all my own :) or being a stay-at-home mom is incredibly difficult for me. I say if you love it, find a way to keep it in your life. Whether that is simply choreographing a few routines during the year as a guest coach, coaching the squad as you have always done, or doing something else entirely with your mad skills. Like a community cheer class for younger girls that could feed into the high school program you worked to build.
ReplyDeleteAnd you have WAY more talents than you give yourself credit for. You are absolutely darling and I have only ever seen you as talented and capable. Wish I would have gotten to know you better while we lived near by. Your new ward is so lucky to have you! Sad for you that there are no activities in the ward, but I guess that gives you an opportunity to start some :) Start a weekly playgroup or a preschool co-op with some of the moms in the ward with kids around Lucy's age (I did that when we moved here- Ella LOVES it more than anything and it's amazing to have 2 hours to myself once a week and to only have to host every 5th week. Email me if you want more info). And with regards to photography- you have a gorgeous family and a fabulous camera, and if you ever have interest in learning more, let me know. I am always more than happy to help a girl out in that area.