gratitude

I feel I should start this post with some humor---

Tonight we went through the In&Out Drive Through.

Lucy told me she had to pee--- Well, Lucy mentioned it earlier at target too, but wouldn't go there, and Clara was asleep in her car seat, the restaurant was busy and parking lot pretty full, so I did what any responsible mother would do.

Took her out of her car seat, pulled down her panties, and let her pee on the asphalt right next to the car!

While still in line in the drive through of course...

We were the last car in line, until a great big suburban pulled up just in time to shine it's lights right on little Lucy peeing! 

It was awesome. I think I laughed for like 5 minutes straight afterwards.

Let's hope Lucy doesn't pick up peeing on the street now though!

if you only knew how much i love this little girl of mine!

man o man, she's giving me a run for my money!

Where to begin?

Be warned, as my sister-in-law told me today-- I am always very open and honest about how I am feeling and thinking. Honesty is good, right?

(I feel like I need to be honest here-- please note that I am SO Thankful for all I have, and I know I have everything I ever need. We are all healthy and happy, and that is all I could ever ask for, but I also think that I need to be honest as to how I am feeling. I know we are so so blessed. I know that. I am so thankful for my little family, and all the wonderful things we have in our life- this is just my thoughts as to the current 'job-hunt'. Blah! This is our 'family journal', and I really don't want to put on this act that everything in our lives is perfect, I know everyone has their own trials, and this is just something trivial and small, but it's what's going on in our lives right now, so I hope I don't offend anyone but seeming ungrateful. I am grateful, and know we have things going so well right now- it's just the current news at our house, so don't read this if it offends you!!)

To be honest, November, the month of gratitude and thanksgiving, has come at the just the perfect time, because we have so so much to be thankful for and I needed that reminder!

I look around me and I see how blessed I am, but can't help but feeling like sometimes it's just not fair! I was always under the impression (a very inaccurate impression, however) that once you graduated from college that things just fell into place! You got a job, you bought a house, you lived happily ever after... Right? I feel like that is the case with everyone around us, except us. I know that is not necessarily the case, but I still can't help but feel that way! And then in my mind, I feel awful. I think Carly- you are the most selfish person on the planet! Can't you see you have everything you ever wanted right here in front of your stupid face! And I do have everything I want. I do. I just want things to say the same, and just be able to afford them. =)

Tyler has been very very lucky to always have a job, and honestly, he has always had a really good job. No, it's not his dream job, or what he would like to do in his career, but we have always been well taken care of, and I most definitely cannot complain.

Currently, he has a couple different options as to where life should take us in the next year, and we both kind of feel- stuck. Both are great options- especially for this economy, but I want to cry thinking about taking either of these jobs. Mainly because I am a stupid face. Yep, stupid face again!

I really don't want to be 'that wife'. You know, the one you always hear about--- "So and So had this AMAZING job offer in New York City, but he didn't take it because his wife didn't want to go! Can you believe that!? What's her problem!?"

Now, just so you know- I would LOVE to move out of state. To like a normal place- you know- Arizona, Colorado, even the east coast-- you know, like normal states?

One of these job offers- is NOT a normal state.

But I hate having that feeling of, 'if we don't go, we'll never know what we missed!!' 

If you know me, You know I never want to miss out on anything! =)

Then the feeling of, who in their right minds wants to move there? And i feel like this horrible human for not wanting to move to the middle of no where. I feel so so guilty.

I know we will be fine wherever we go, I just need to freakin' buck up, and read the back of the boat.

(Cowboy Up, for all you peeps who haven't been on the Crosland's boat.)

I just really hate the anxiety of 'not knowing'. I love love where we live, and just need to prepare myself for wherever we will be. 

Honestly, a lot of the way I have been feeling is somewhat due to reading blogs and such. I look at things and think, really? people really do this with their time, and they really live there, and do all these fabulous things, and have these fabulous houses! I know we all have our own issues, but I can't help but compare myself to all these people around me who appear, as through the blogging world at least, to have things so easy and wonderful. Whether its in my neighborhood, my family, friends, or just the blogging world! I need to remind myself that I got married when I was 18, not 28. and that by doing so, and not finishing college first, etc... Things were going to be really different for us. We still have a long time before we get to that point in our lives, I think it's just hard because I have kids all of these people's age and feel like I should be where they are. It's so silly and stupid to think like that I know- but it is the honest truth. Things have just been feeling so chaotic lately, When in all honesty, I know I will look back and think things are just perfect. 

Because in most ways, they are.

We have no house payment to worry about, We have 2 beautiful girls we get to spend so much time with! Tyler has a great job and gets to come home early and eat dinner with us every night, our responsibilities are really minimal, and we are just enjoying our little family.

 and I am so so so glad I have sweet Clara right now.

She is the sweetest, most perfect baby, and truly is the biggest blessing in our lives!

She just sits and smiles and talks to me all day, and is so cute and chubby.

I love her and Lucy so so much.

2 kids is so busy and can be so much work, but life goes on, and we have a lot of fun in the process!

Tyler playing with cute Callie & Clara while babysitting this week! And Cute Blakey!

Who knows where this girl comes from--- She seriously sleeps in craziest positions. I think this might be the best one yet---upside down, under the blanket, on top of a doll, still reading her book, with the light on. You rock Lucy!

A few things I am SO grateful for tonight--

Tyler.

Lucy.

Clara.

The Gospel.

They are all I need, and I will be just fine wherever we will be!